February 2009 archive

It’s Been Awhile, Ain’t it.

We are having tandoori chicken tonight which may not seem like a huge, exciting bit of the day but it is way cool for me! I wish we had a clay oven though! I’m not feeling too nauseous (wow thats a lot of vowels!!) right now so pehaps I’ll eat lots, but the propect of that is slim. Ce la vie, I guess.

We did the whole ‘Puppies of Westport’ and Whole Foods thing today which is tres tres exciting! 
I can’t really think of what to tell you guys. It’s kinda crazy that it’s winter. I mean, yesterday it was summer and Tim brought me over some shoot-em-up movies and said I didn’t look yellow to him, and held my hand and all and I was looking forward to going to Fyfe’s birthday later on that night. I wake up ever morning and I’m not in the guest suite at home, there is no mark in my arm from where the put the IV in last night at the hospital, my hair is clean and I’m wearing different pajamas. I can tell by the light streaming in that is it winter, not summer. Its not hot like summer. And unless I’m very much mistaken I’ve grown and inch or two and gained ten pounds. It’s insane. It’s crazy, missing so much time. I am so easy going now. I’m sitting in ‘the living room’ in a house that isn’t mine and surrounded by stuff that has a feel like home but it isn’t. Imagine. This is fucked up man, is all I’m thinking.
I’m IV-ing right now which majorly blows. It is so cold, especially in my chest, where it goes first. It kinda burns a bit and makes it a little hard to breathe, but it could be just cause it makes me really really anxious. I feel so messed up. I could see all this being funny, a good story to tell in a few years. In many years. 
Nancy is coming tonight and I’m pretty stoked. I love her so much and she has been way wicked awesome these past months. And Phil, but I think he’s teaching. I miss him too! 

A La Mode

Today was averagely cold and wintery, but I feel quite sure that spring is on the way, at least by the calendar it is! I still have a hell of a time getting up in the morning, which kind of throws my whole day off. It makes the mornings really tough, I guess because I’m semi-conscious…anyways. I had my PICC line dressing changed today which is always oodles and oodles of fun! NOT! I mean it beats it getting all horridly icky and disgusting and infected, but still not as much fun as eating ice cream on a beach. But we’re getting there!! We bought some of this skin protectant stuff, which goes under the big, clear band-aide to kind of heal and (as the name suggests) ‘protect’ the skin from the horrible icky tape! Pretty sweet and exciting, which gives you a pretty good idea how interesting life is these days. And yet, I digress…

We went to Target, which is like a really colorful everything store in the States (for you Canadians, eh) and we went around and I ran my hands through a hole bunch of racks which is so relaxing and normal, so much for. I bought the movie, ‘Get Smart’ which apparently I found hilarious when I watched it the first time. I can’t actually comment on whether or not the movie was funny, because I don’t remember even though I watched it last night, but Steve Carrel is in it, so it’s bound to be pretty sweet! 
My auntie Nancy is coming for a visit tomorrow aparently which is way exciting! She was in Victoria house sitting somewhere which is nice. I’m kinda stoked to be honest. It’s nice to have people visit, but it’s hard cause I know that they get to go home, and I don’t, which is actually quite childish I know, but I’m gonna play the ‘I’m sick’ card, which makes a pretty good get-out-of-jail-free doesn’t it.
Ta ta for now! I miss you all so much!

A Summation of a few (more) Boring Days

A few days ago I had an ultrasound, which isn’t the worst test to have, but it still is kinda uncomfy…you know with all that hot icky gunk they spread on your tummy and them having to push hard into your stomach and back to take the pictures. I know they say everyone is beautiful on the inside, but that is like complete bullshit. I’ve seen my insides, on that flat plasma screen at the doctor, and let me tell you my appendix and spleen are butt ugly! Completely disgusting! Eww…internal organs!! But on the plus side I’m pretty sure that they are doing okay, which is a bonus really! I can forgive them for being ugly as long as they keep doing their job!

Yesterday, I got my hair cut, which is always a sure way to perk up my day! My hair still fall out a whole hell of a lot, like I’m losing my winter coat before spring has even arrived, and I guess it’s a combination of thyroid ‘issues’ and pills. I used to have really thick curly hair and now it’s just a shadow of its former self. 
Today was pretty dull. Had my dressing changed, and had blood taken and the usual shit. We went to the library and picked up a whole wack of movies which will be fun. It’s funny when I first started getting sick, I would watch movies all day, and even though I felt so shitty, it was really fun. The novelty of getting to watch daytime movies wares off very quickly I can tell you! Very very very quickly.
Yawn. I’m still so tired. It’s like I never get enough sleep (which is probably true) and I’m not up long enough to fully wake up (again probably true). I’m going to play Scrabble now, which I really look forward too. It’s fun, honest!

I was gonna sing the Monday song, and then I found out it was Wednesday…and yah.

Yawn. It’s been ‘one of those days’. I’ve said that so often in early morning band classes to Fyfe that it is practically a mantra. 

I went to the *omg-get-ready-to-gasp* pain doctor yesterday which is like totally original, I know! Versus spending years NOT sleeping, I’m now like in a permanent in between-sleep-and-awake state. I can’t wake up in the morning, like somebody pulled my brain out through my eyes, and then turned me into J-ello. And I am just gushing with adjectives today!! But it doesn’t feel so cut and dry anymore. Being asleep. Being awake. Dreaming. I think that I’ve hit on the other stage of ‘wakefulness’. It’s waking up and still being asleep, like that feeling of being trapped in a night mare and not being able to wake up, ‘cept the opposite. Its like being dropped into a vat of really dense water, and swimming around your day, swimming in your unconscious consciousness.
I got some shampoo samples in the mail today which is like waayy cool! I apparently ordered a whole bunch just ’cause I can’t get them in Canada. And getting the mail has always been like the most exciting this EVER for me. Even in California (when I was little, and mail was delivered to the door versus having mail pods, which is actually more fun!) mail was a seriously cool part of the day, even bills and stuff. I was weird like that. I’m like an advertisers dream too ~ I love all the spam mail and ad’s and that stuff, mostly cause I can use the pictures in a collage! 
Got my dressing changed today, which is so annoying. It doesn’t hurt really but it is super, super uncomfortable. The stir stick sized PICC line and me are tight these days, we’ve really bonded, because, really, in all actuality and fact, it is worth it for having the get the frequent blood draws! They can draw straight from the line (yah! seriously! no needles involved!) which eliminates the whole *shiver* needles thing which makes me totally faint. The PICC line is something I hold very dear to my heart, and it’s actually TRYING to help me, which is nice of it, really, when all I do is get mad at it and all. Seriously, if you ever have to get blood drawn frequently or need to get IV meds or are in a hospital for a long time, try and get a PICC line. No joke, you will regret it like for a week or so, and then you will become great friends. True story! 
Today it was SO WARM that I wore a SHORT sleeve shirt! Wow! It was like 61 F (16 C) out there which is tres, tres exciting! When does spring start? Oh right, Natalie’s birthday, sometime in March. Sigh. Still a long way. 


Well it’s February here. And it totally looks like February, complete with dirty snow banks for past snow storms and people bundled like penguins. Today was actually moderately warm, surprisingly enough, about 47 F, so definitely hot after awhile of sub thirty-two (0 C) temperatures. Spring is so far off. Whoever decided how long the seasons were going to be, like on the calendar, should have made winter really short and spring longer. Cause if you call this season ‘spring’, I’m sure it will feel warmer!

Today we did like regular sick-kid-in-Connecticut things. Which isn’t much. It took me ages to wake up this morning, like I was drugged beyond belief, unable to open my eyes or talk, as though I was still asleep. And then we trudged to Costco to pick up a prescription, but the pharmacy isn’t open on Sundays, as lame as that is. And then we went to Jo-ann’s which is this really cool craft store with like tons of fabric and beads and scrapbook stuff and we looked around for a while at the beads and stuff, which was pretty fun. But it is nothing like the bead shop, near Douglas St that I love so much. Bead World is it called? I totally can’t remember, which is pissing me off, but they have all these beads in little trays and you buy the beads by the beads, which means you can customize to the max, and poke your fingers in the little trays and have the beads slide all around, which is really fun. That’s so good times.
Okay, okay, so like go back a year. It was the first of February when I went to the doctor (like just my family doc, nobody special, or a fantastic clinician clearly) and told me I had pneumonia – now isn’t that a wicked cool word – and bronchitis and handed me a prescription and I waltzed out the door, coughing up a lung. I was out of school for a really long time, and never went back ‘full time’. I haven’t been to school consecutively for a whole year. And I miss it like someone cut off my arm in my sleep and I wasn’t prepared for it at all and wonder ‘what-the-hell-happened-to-my-arm’ everyday.  It’s been 525,600 minutes since I’ve been to school full time and I’m still counting. I’m still counting. And the chances of me counting out more is likely. I totally want to say ‘surprise I’m coming home next week blahblahblah’ but I would be totally lying – which majorly sucks. Not gonna lie. 
That number is like uber uber important. Five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred-minutes…five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred-minutes…five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred-minutes. However you slice it, however you dress it up, it’s still a year. A year too long. 

Do Not Try This at Home

We went to the ‘Puppies of Westport’ today, which sounds just about as good as it is!! Westport is like 40 minutes away from where we live in New Haven, but basically a straight shot. They have so many different kinds of puppies at this place, and (bonus!!) you can pick a puppy you’d like to play with! There was this little German Shepherd, that looked like baby Keeper, that curled right up on my lap, completely content and not hyper. I sat (well duhh) and stroked him so awhile which was really relaxing and the most fun I’ve had in ages. I hope we can go back there again soon.

We also went to Whole Foods and bought a whole bunch of yummies, again very exciting stuff, and waltzed around the makeup and fragrance isles, which is obviously the best part of the store!!
I awhile ago, I bought myself a ‘Worst Case Scenario’ calendar, complete with a do-not-try-this-at-home warning, which is from the most hilarious book ever (which you all should seriously read! you never know when that stuff will come in use). Its one of those filp-over-a-new-page-every-day type of calendar, and todays worst case scenario is ‘how to survive in a plummeting elevator’, which they do go on to say, is highly unlikely and even less unlikely that you will die. A minute ago, the idea of death-by-plummeting-elevator had never even occurred to me!! It is hilarious though, the whole book, in a really twisted and morbid way that I can’t really work out. And for future reference, your supposed to lie flat and cover your head to protect it from bits of the ceiling hitting you. That’s the grand survival plan of the day. 
I’m having a lot of trouble hearing stuff lately, which is totally annoying and makes me feel really old. It feels like my head is underwater, but it isn’t like the worst thing ever, just super irksome and tedious. I also feel totally out of it, like this is some really vivid dream/ nightmare world that I’m soon gonna wake up from, which I’m still hoping is true. 
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