January 2009 archive

Cross-Eyed

It apparently snowed a bit this morning which is pretty cool, though it doesn’t look like much out there. I heard that they got 150% more snow already than last year, which makes me feel better, knowing that all this snow is just a fluke and not regular. I don’t know why it is comforting, but chaos is. 

I had a guitar lesson today. Which is pretty sweet. I played guitar just a bit before I started to forget stuff, you know just chords and that kind of stuff. But I have always been really good at sight reading so that’s basically what I do in lesson. Sight read cool jazz music and discuss why seventh-flat-five’s and minor-flat-sixths and so wonky and why they exist, when it would have been a perfectly lovely world (at least for my fingers!) without them. Its a lot of fun and I now have really killer calluses on my left hand fingers, which hurt a little every time I type. A small sacrifice for the sweet music knowledge, I suppose.
My grandma Thelma – now isn’t that a way cool name? – is here to visit from Ontario. It’s nice to see some new faces! Grandma makes really REALLY good baked yummies, and knits and sews fantastically. But she also swims like a tank. Seriously. She’s swum the equivalent of the English Channel, in a year!! And on the world map in her kitchen, there are a bunch on synchronized swimming badges. In the kitchen too, there used to be a drawer, right under the glasses cupboard, with a whole bunch of toys. A blue plastic phone, glitter crayons (a fav!!), a coloring book, and a Monchichi puzzle. For those who are not familiar with a Monchichi doll, I believe they are the missing link. They have fuzzy hair in like a main around there face, and ears like a bear, a freckles, fur all over their bodies, and a tail. They’re ‘unique’ 
All of my cousins know that puzzle, and have called imaginary people with the blue phone, and doodles with the glitter crayons, which coat your fingers in wax and glitter that smells funny. These are some good times. 
When I woke up today, I couldn’t. I felt like I was trying to open my eyes under some extremely heavy water. I feel like I’m super drugged and so tired I’m going cross-eyed, but I guess I am really, so that metaphor was totally useless.  I still haven’t ‘woken’ up all day and its already night time. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow I guess. 

The Morning

At about 5 this morning, the fire alarm went off. I don’t know if I can stress enough just how loud the fire alarm here is!! It is so disorientating and loud that it isn’t recognizable as a ‘fire alarm’. Probably ‘air raid siren’, ‘tsunami red alert’ and ‘terrorist attack warning’ would come to mind before ever guessing that the blaring alarm was for a fire. The dead people in the cemetery five blocks away awoke from their eternal slumber, to be sure.

Apparently, a water pipe burst in another building and that is why the fire alarm in our building went off *raises eyebrows*. Highly suspicious. This has happened like 4 times in our building, in the early morning. Oh yes, what a hilarious prank, NOT!

This Week

It hasn’t been a super fantastic last few days. I feel sympathetic towards zombies. My ear hurts like the dickens for some reason and I don’t know why. I feel like crawling under the covers and sleeping a century or two. It must be the effects of the antibiotic or something. I think I’m on some new pain killers which really make me ‘wonky’ as my bestest friendy Natalie’s mamma would say (she’s South African!). Unfortunately it doesn’t do much for the pain, which is a shame because if it’s gonna make me really zonked, it might as well help me! 

Today I had my dressing changed, which sound way duller than it actually is. It involves quite a bit really, including fascinating things like basically a bandaid with the sticky side made of super-glue, iodine that looks like blood and I get woozy every time I see it, the wondrous smell of rubbing alcohol, supersized gloves and masks. And you thought I was joking about how much fun it is! *rolls eyes*. We went to Costco too which is always so much fun, especially when we stop and look at the books and movies. I bought the ‘Beedle the Bard’ book by J.K. Rowling, because like seriously, I refuse to believe that the last Harry Potter book came out and am using this book to keep the dream alive. I also got a book called “The Book of General Ignorance” which is like de-bunking myths and fun facts and such…and it’s British!  I’m totally stoked to read them.
We’re having spaghetti for dinner, which is like the most exciting thing about today. Obviously! 

I Just Can’t Wait to get on the Road Again

OMG! What a very action packed few days it has been.

Firstly, and like obviously most importantly, OBAMA happened. I’ve been an Obama fan since the list of candidates first came out. By the calendar, its January. By my mind, it’s June. I don’t know who won. It’s a shock every time I hear about President Obama, because my last memories, of June, is that they are still doing all that pre-election stuff. I’m totally jazzed that he is now our official president. 
I can’t help but sing the ‘Bob the Builder’ song every time I hear the slog ‘Yes we can’. Sorry…its the babysitting, you know.
A couple of days ago we drove up to Hyde Park, New York. I was totally bummed out that we were going to New York but not going to NYC. It’s about a 2 hour drive from here to Hyde park, this dinky little city, home to the CIA (not the crime stoppers! the Culinary Institute of America!!!!) and not much else. We stayed at a really crummy hotel but really the only nice hotel in the city. I could barely get my wheel chair around the place. They totally have like the worst shampoo in like hotel history-it smells like creamsicles, except ones from the seventies that have been sitting out for that long. Not exactly my fav.
Guess what we were doing in Hyde Park? You absolutely won’t believe it, but we saw a *gasp* doctor! I know isn’t that like the weirdest thing? *rolls eyes*. His name is Dr. Horowitz. And he’s been a practicing Buddhist for like 20 years or something. I think that breaks some stereotypes! Anyways, he is a way cool doctors and one of the best I’ve seen. He spent like 2 hours with us, asking questions and prescribing things (woot! like pain killers! :D) and doing the whole ‘does it hurt here?’ thing that I love so much. He was so nice and seems really passionate about Lyme. He’s starting me on a whole bunch of new drugs soon, including a different IV drug, which should be fun and should make me sicker now but better in the long run. Oh joy of joys right? I got about 20 vials of blood taken. Which was not so fun. You know those HUGE syringes that they have in like medical shows, the one that have like 40 ml’s in them…I had 3 of those drawn full of blood, and then a few vials after. But it’s not so bad now because they can take the blood directly out of the PICC line which is seriously the best thing ever because it involves no needles! The nurse was really kind. Her name was Nicole too and she was born 10 years before me a few days before my birthday. Kinda freaky hunh? I did have to get some blood taken from my antecubital fossa (you can thank Miss Devon for that sweet knowledge!) but not like an insane amount. I did feel faint though, but no surprises there. They also injected me with a few  of those big syringes full of glutathion, which is something that the liver usually makes, and can help fight toxins or something. And I am just totally ranting. 
We actually went to the CIA for dinner. It is like the equivalent of an Ivy league school for cooking. It wasn’t super fantastic or anything like I was expecting, which is a total shame. We had these satay pork and beef skewers which were just so perfectly seasoned but the caesar salad was cut up in these itty bitty pieces and the leaves were all brown and gross. And the pizza was soggy. But it was generally just okay. We have this huge, bad ass cook book from the CIA which we probably have never used that is like ‘cooled cucumber soup for 120’ or ‘fois gras for 50′ and other really fiddly and complicated things for an inordinate amount of people. 
I’m so tired. The trip was not like fantastic but really beneficial I guess.
You know, the ‘Welcome to New York’ sign as you cross state lines has a little ‘I hear NY’ on it. I laugh so hard and tried to take a picture but it was too late. 

What A Wonderful World This Could Be

What did I do today? This question makes a drop of jealousy slide down into my stomach thinking about what you all did today. I get queasy and pissed off because of what I could have been doing today. Life is just so infinitely cool if you aren’t sick. I really want to get better NOW, rather than do all the annoying stuff to get better. I need ze quick fix!! 

Today, I didn’t want to get up. Which probably means I would have had a way better day if I didn’t. We went to Staples and bought pens but they didn’t have the right kind. Usual I’m not picky about this, but it takes so much effort to write and the Bic Velocity Gel’s just are easier to hold and write with and I have no idea why. But the one we got still write nice and feel okay. And then we went to Trader Joe’s and I waited in the car. Because buying pens exhausted me. And that is so lame, might I add. The parking lot smelled like cough syrup. Which is weird. 
We’re having scallops for dinner -my favorite- with pesto and bowtie pasta and portobellas! It snowed last night a few inches and just snowed a bit today. I’m so zonked I’d really like to sleep now but I can’t. 

And (again) It’s Just Another Day

There are piles of snow around New Haven that are practically mountains, especially in the parking lots. Very cool. It’s 16 F (-10 C). Which is so NOT cool for me. 

Out the window of our apartments, there is a ‘river’ with towering cement walls. It is still slowing well enough for this time of year, I’m getting doubtful that it will freeze over. Which is a shame because it looks so cool when it does. 
Today I feel extremely foggy. Lots of pain and pain med’s are to blame probably. It feels like it takes a decade for the words from the outside to float into my brain and vice versa. So forgive me if this is crazy disjointed. 
My dad is visiting from Victoria, which is nice I guess but also very weird. I have no memories of him at all. I actually don’t know his name either. It surprises me ever time I catch sight of him, because obviously with the whole memory thing it is like a new person just walked into the house…ever minute or so. I guess my whole hallucination and paranoia thing doesn’t help the matter. 
Mom made won ton soup! Oh my favorite and my bff Devon’s too, I think. It took awhile to fold them and usually I help but my hands are so painful today that I decided to pass. Last Christmas we had two of the coolest people stay with us, who were from China but going to Pearson college and we made won ton soup together!! It was so much fun!! That was a super good Christmas, one of the best!
Today we went to Whole Foods. For you non-American’s, I cannot possibly express how epic Whole Foods was. In California, ever since I was little, the half hour pilgrimage to Whole Foods was no problem. They had the best produce and I loved running around the towering isles, buying the yummiest fruits and bulk pasta (oh I still love the bulk machines), seafood, organic specialty stuff and that jazz. The people who work there always were super nice and helpful to boot. They also have a crazy good selection of prepared foods (like Israeli Couscous salad and the pizza!!!)! I could go on and on about the glories of Whole Foods, but anyways…We went there. In Connecticut, there is only one store. And lucky us it’s only 45 minutes away!! Very exciting. They also have makeup and shampoo and perfume stuff thats free of icky chemicals. It was very fun. It brought lots of good memories with it and was just as good…no BETTER than I remembered!
The call of the soup is very tempting. I must fly. Ciao!

Yggdrasil

Please allow me to use Pagan mythology for a long and rambling metaphor. I spent some good time scrambling these past few days into the brain blender, churning memories over to find something I could pull out of the darkness and use to color this world. I first heard the story of Yggdrasil in a story book, written as a fairy tale, with detailed pictures of this mythical…well, myth.

Yggdrasil. The towering ash tree, made up of nine worlds is central and scared in Norse mythology. In most stories of Yggdrasil, the tree has three roots. On root reaches the realms of Asgard, home of the gods, another extends Niflheim, the realm of the dead and the last grows to Jotunheim, land of the giants. At it’s base, the Well of Wisdom (Mimir), the Well of Fate (Urdarbrunnr) and Hvergelmir, wellspring of cold, the source of many rivers. The tree was tended by the Norns (the fates), goddesses of the past, present and future. Yggdrasil was perpetually under attack by the evil serpent Nidhogg. The other worlds are those of other mytical creatures and the world of man, in the middle of the tree, between the roots and leafy branches.

It seems we all drink from the wells of wisdom and fate and just one taste of the world of death. We all feel the sway of the goddesses of the past, present and future of fate. And our world rests in between the worlds that on principal we cannot (and perhaps shouldn’t) understand. Each of our lives span from the tree of life in ribbons, and everything is said to weave together in the shadow of the tree. Our strands do drift far from the tree, but in the end, we must find our way back to the tree to return whence we came. 
It has been awhile since I’ve heard this story, but I am still taken with the idea of the nine worlds and the tree. It’s nice (and silly :P) to picture us, Earth, the Milky Way and beyond, safe beneath the bark of the great ash tree. It’s nice that our actions fold into a great blanket. I mean, Yggdrasil’s interesting. 
But I can’t help feeling I’ve drifted far from the roots of the tree, blown by the high winds Norns, rulers of fate. I’ve drunk from the cup of wisdom and fate and a taste of the wellspring of cold and ended up in Connecticut (there goes the impressive ending to my story), a prick on the map with measly three-and-a-half million people. Yah. The winds of fate surely pick stellar locations to end up in. Ha!
The winds are still blowing, and I’m paddling upwind and upstream to home. 

Fireworks, my Lumax and a Proverbial Ostrich

Ew, 2009! That officially makes me OLD (ha!) and about to graduate, or in a year. I mean it looks way closer than it ever has before. And it’s never looked this far away.

I can’t wait to get home. I know it’s true. I say it all the time, and yet, I think, what happens when I get home? What happens when I see, up close, the life I used to know going on at a ridiculously fast pace, leaving me behind. Leaving me further and further behind. I want to know when I will begin to remember things again. A fortnight or perhaps just a month? I shudder to even imagine, a year? I want it to be the future already and I know, with so much certainty, that I’m gonna run hard, and learn new stuff. There’s a reason they say that we’re always learning, like it or not (besides being true); it’s ’cause without constantly learning, life feels a waste. Now I read, but glean nothing. Now I listen, and it’s in one ear and out the other, literally. Now I play music I’ve had for months, but each time I play it I am sight reading. 
I hate to harp on about the memory loss thing. In my defense, I don’t really remember writing about it a lot, so it feels new. But I want to be wholly honest when I write everything. I want this to be just exactly what I’m thinking, as it falls from my mind. I’m keeping it real. Ohh I feel so scattered…is any of this making sense? 
If you lived, but had no memories of living, couldn’t call on your mind or trust it, you’d make it a focal point too. 
I take pictures. It’s how I deal. I take pictures of the lame and boring details that you don’t have to take pictures of. There are photos on the walls here, most 8 x 11 ‘s of my favorite places, flowers, colors. And a collage. And some leaves are strung up on the wall. And dried flowers…gah…I’m falling off topic. I take movies too. 
Simple movies. I just turn around as far as I can, and pan back to the far side of my field of vision, just to capture everything as it was, as it breathed. Sometimes when I watch them I get angry at the betrayal of my temporal lobe. It’s hard to hate an inseparable part of yourself. But mostly, or when I’m feeling patient and reflective, they don’t make me angry, just curious. 
There shall be no sticking of the head in the proverbial and aforementioned sand. Which is why I take pictures really, because, “An ostrich with its head in the sand is just as blind to opportunity as to disaster”.  
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